As I watch others struggle with the decision of whether to be honest or not, and face my own investments in others when deciding how honest to be, I am wondering if honesty is always the best policy. And I am wondering, too, why we act like we want people to tell us their honest opinion, when really, it's scary letting someone else have the power to tell us what we don't want to say to ourselves---- I made a mistake. I was wrong. I am being foolish. I do need to change. I need to accept that someone can't change. I am being unreasonable. -- and the list goes on.
Is a friend asking your opinion because s/he wants to hear the truth or because she wants confirmation against what she most doubts and fears?
'Truth' is a very charged concept. We learn from very early on that we must tell the truth to our parents. A fictional boy had to tell the truth, or everyone would be on to him from one look at his growingly long nose. We learn that "The truth shall set you free", and that "'Tis a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive". On the other hand, many would argue that a little white lie can save someone's feelings. We learn that people like us when we are supportive, encouraging, positive, cheerleaders. And the truth teller gets coined rather negatively as cynical, or outspoken, or blunt.
This week, I say, poor, poor, Pinocchio. Maybe the poor guy just wanted to save his friendships, or back someone up who needed a boost, and maybe he didn't want to sound judgmental of others' decisions when he's no expert in their dilemmas' domain.
The truth is, I have opinions about what many people surrounding me have been consulting me about this week. I fear that I am tiptoeing around people I love, and worrying about them on the side, because I'm telling them what I think they want to hear. After all, I am a good girl-- I work with children and I eat salads every day! I don't want to rock boats or burst bubbles or be a naysayer. But I am not following the path towards honesty, and I am concerned for the decisions and attitudes around me and feeling a bit clairvoyant......
I think that giving someone the chance of getting back together after a breakup is going to lead lead you to further heartache. When somebody hasn't met your dreams and expectations the first serious and long-term time around, they are going to let you down again. I observe that people settle back in to the patterns of the original relationship the second time around anyway. We all get scared that there isn't anything better out there, but I am positive that we are all SO worthy of every little hope and desire we have!!!!! If something bombed out before, you'd better be very careful if you choose to go back for seconds.
I think getting engaged is a big deal, and if you are asking me if it's right for you, you are not ready. It's the biggest commitment of your life in the works-- half the world can't make it through because it's freaking hard, so why rush yourself in to it? I think that moving in together should be way more fun than work and stress. I'm not saying that it will always be peaches and cream-- but the spirit of fun and adventure should be WAY more a part of the moving in phase than the getting-used-to-the-way-you-do-things growing pains. I think that if you are fearing you are rushing things, you are! You have all the time in the world to get married and move in-- so why not enjoy the ride when the timing is right? What exactly is your rush all about?
I think if your dog is really suffering, you need to go through with putting her suffering to an end. She has been loyal and kind to you as long as you have had her, and it's going to kill you to let her go, but if it's time, it's time. She's stood by you, and it's time to stand by her. You'll get through-- eveything passes and your grief will too. You owe it to yourself to take care of yourself, but you owe this to her. Be strong.
And, Tanner, on the Bachelorette, I think you should tell Jillian exactly who has a girlfriend at home if you know-- you opened the can of worms, and you need to seal it up. Who could trust you now? You're a big coward for not being honest that you ratted someone out at the rose ceremony.
(Ok--- as I said-- it's a post about honesty-- so I confess-- I LOVE watching the Bachelorette... it is very contrary to the constant effort to better myself and get wiser but oh dear--- I do love it. )
I have to report to you, that I don't feel more free or less tangled after telling the truth here. I hope if you are reading this that you a) forgive me for my bluntness and b) think about what I have said.
Salad Girl's tip of the post: Be honest with yourself: how much untruth are you telling? And how much of it is to yourself?
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